Animal Poop: More Fun, Tasty, and Aromatic Than You Thought!

If you're a fan of Bob's Burgers, you might remember the Season 4 episode entitled "Ambergris" (check out the full episode HERE), in which the Belcher children discover a strange, aromatic hunk of...something...on the beach.  This something turns out to be an interesting byproduct produced by the sperm whale: and even a small hunk of it can be worth thousands of dollars to the right buyer.  But what exactly is the stuff?

Much like the title of the episode, this hunk of surprisingly expensive junk is called "ambergris," and scientists believe its production is related to the sperm whale's diet.  Sperm whales (Physeter macrocephalus) love to eat giant squid who, despite their relatively squishy nature, possess a very tough beak, a feature seen in other cephalopods such as octopi and nautilus.  In my opinion, the cephalopods can be some of the most fascinating animals ever.  Period.  We can delve deeper into why these creatures are so fascinating some other time, but for now, I leave you with this video of the ultimate in animal spy-gadgetry that would make even James Bond sea-sick with envy.  (To see the full Ted-Talk that this video clip is taken from, click HERE.)

Another thing that I think is really cool about animals such as the octopus and the squid is that they have an extraordinarily tough beak.  Partially composed of keratin (the same thing your fingernails, hair, porcupine quills, whale baleen plates, claws of reptiles and mammals, horns,* etc.), this beak very closely resembles beaks seen in some types of birds, and is often referred to as a "horny, parrot-like beak."**  To truly understand the close resemblance, check out the pictures below!

Now, if you've ever tried to digest a bit of antelope horn or Komodo dragon claw, you might have noticed that it doesn't go down very easy, and comes out the other end with even less easy involved.***  For whales, most of the squid is pretty easily digestible, as they don't have to worry about scales or claws, feathers or hair.  That is, other than that tough, keratinous beak.  So what does the sperm whale do with this sharp section of squid structure?  The answer to that is kind of cool, albeit still poorly understood.

Here's what scientists think happens.  In order to keep the squid beak from harming the sperm whale from the inside, the whale somehow surrounds the tough bits of indigestible material (including the squid beak), to keep any sharp edges from being exposed.  That part seems to be fairly widely agreed upon, although it seems that the exact methods are still not terribly well understood.  Sources differ on how the ambergris leaves the whale's body, however.  One Scientific American article states that the whale passes the ambergris with its feces because "it smells more like the back end than the front" when it is first cast out of the body.  However, other sources explain that whale feces are liquidy, and hard matter could be difficult for the whale to process.  Instead, these sources state that ambergris builds up in the whale over the course of its lifetime, and are released when the animal dies.

So why is ambergris so poorly understood?  Well, researching whales, and sperm whales in particular, can be extraordinarily difficult.  You need the proper equipment, you need the money, and you need to be able to find the whales.  Sperm whales can also be more tough to study than other whales because of their natural behavior.  They will dive thousands of feet deep in search of their prey, and spend most of their time beneath the ocean's surface.  When they do protrude above the surface, it can still be difficult to find them, as they often don't protrude very far, and their spout of water released upon surfacing is much smaller than in many other whales.

Because of these and other factors, sperm whales remain poorly understood.  Ambergris is only known to form in the sperm whale and the related pygmy sperm whale (Kogia breviceps), both of which are very hard to study.  Furthermore, studies have found that ambergris is only found in 1-5% of these whales, making the substance even rarer still!****  Because it is so rare, no one has ever seen ambergris expelled from a sperm whale, and the association is only known because of dead sperm whale bodies with ambergris discovered inside.

In spite of this rarity, or perhaps because of it, ambergris is something of a hot commodity, and apparently has been for thousands of years.  The Scientific American article quoted above cites the use of ambergris in many different ancient cultures, including the ancient Egyptians, Middle Easterners, and the Chinese.  It seems to have been regarded as a "cure-all" in some cultures, including Britain during the Middle Ages.  More recently, it was commonly used in perfumes, to fix odors and make the smells hang around for a longer period of time.  Although synthesized replacements have taken the place of ambergris in many scenarios, there apparently still is quite a market for the stuff, and even a relatively small hunk of it can fetch a price of several thousand dollars from the right buyer!

As an interesting side-note, fossilized ambergris has been discovered in 1.75 million years old Pleistocene deposits in Italy.  Some of these fossils, which apparently number more than 25, are even about two feet high and four feet wide!  The abstract of the article (link HERE) describe these fossils as "the only known example of Pleistocene sperm whale coprolites," indicating that the authors of the article consider ambergris to be a poopy product of the sperm whale.  Within the fossilized ambergris, parts of squid beak and "altered organic matter" have been found.

So yes, ladies, long story short, it is possible (although unlikely) that you have sprayed yourself with squid beak byproduct that was somehow expelled from a sperm whale at some point in your life.  If you feel slightly foolish, just remember: you can be sure that you never drank any coffee that was created from the partially digested excretions that came from the hindquarters of the Asian palm civet (Paradoxurus hermaphroditus), or freshened up with the assistance of the male musk of the the aptly named musk deer (Moschus moschiferus), a scent which the females of the species find most alluring.

Oh wait, you might have done both of those.  Coffee made from animal poop....I have no doubt that Gene Belcher would love to have a cup.  Just remember on your next date, it's not coffee breath or a lack of perfume you have to worry about: its civet-butt breath and a lack of musk deer scent and whale byproduct.  You just better hope that there aren't any female musk deer around....

*Note that antlers are different from horns, and are not made out of keratin.  For a more in-depth discussion regarding the differences between antlers and horns, click HERE and HERE.
**Not that kind of horny.
***Based on speculation on the part of the author, and NOT personal experience.  Please do not try this at home without the supervision of a parent or guardian who has been trained in such matters.
****This statistic comes from the following source: http://www.environment.gov.au/node/18363.  It doesn't actually say how this statistic was determined, but I assume from analysis of whale carcasses.  I don't think many people have tried to look at the digestive systems of whales that are still alive.
*****Yes that kind of horny.

Works Cited:

The Truth Behind the "Truth" Behind Megalodon

Today, the great white shark rules the seas and haunts our imaginations.  After the release of the 1975 movie "Jaws," the great white shark and other sharks were feared and loathed more than they already were, although much of this fear was unbiased.  Ever since Jaws, hundreds of books, movies, television programs, and more have all capitalized on the shark craze, producing everything from the fantastic Steve Irwin Crocodile Hunter specials to the recent TV movie Sharknado.  One of the most popular shark-related features in the media is Discovery Channels "Shark Week," an annual event that features a week of shark-related programs.  Although many of these programs, as is to be expected for television programs nowadays, push the limits of reality, I think that the premiere of this year's Shark Week went too far, and I'm not the only one who thinks that, either.

First off, let's meet the star of this program: megalodon.  Estimates of the size of megalodon have varied widely and wildly, with some older estimates as high as about 100 feet long.  Today, however, most scientists agree that the largest megalodon could grow to around 60 feet long.  Which is still pretty massive, given that most great white sharks don't exceed lengths of around 20 feet, and look at how much people are afraid of them!  megalodon would have easily been able to swallow the average human in one bite: just take a look at those reconstructed jaws, below!  Also, below that picture, make sure to check out the size of just one megalodon tooth.  Suffice it to say, this shark was one massive bruiser.  This shark WAS one massive bruiser.  Notice how I emphasized the "was?"  Well, that's because megalodon went extinct about two million years ago.

Pyg encounters a mid-sized megalodon tooth, graciously donated to my collection of fossils and things that I take to local schools by local paleontologist Wayne Itano

Megalodon sounds pretty awesome, right?  I mean, to be honest, it's one of those extinct animals that just doesn't need to be "sci-fied up," because it's already cool enough as is, on par with other animals such as Tyrannosaurus, Spinosaurus, and Utahraptor.  Well, just because it didn't NEED to be sci-fied up doesn't mean that television networks didn't do it anyways.  And this years Shark Week premiere was the culprit.  Discovery Channel aired a two hour "documentary" showing "biologists" on the hunt for a megalodon.  Today.  In the present.

One of those extinct animals that just doesn't need to be "Hollywoodized!"  Meet Stan, the resident Tyrannosaurus rex at the Morrison Natural History Museum!  You can see Pig seated in the bottom jaw for scale!  Yeah, this guy was huge.

We have no evidence to indicate that megalodon is alive and with us today, and the "evidence" included in the "documentary" was very clearly doctored.  For example, below is a picture of a whale that has supposedly been bitten in half by a megalodon:

And here is a photo "uncovered from Nazi archives" of a giant shark fin surfacing behind a pair of U-Boats:

The first picture just screams CG.  And the second one....really?  Nazi's? Very Indiana Jones-esque.  OK then, Discovery.

The "documentary" starts off with "found footage" of a "boat capsizing off the coast of South Africa and several people being eaten, but whose bodies were never recovered."  Already, this reeks of a typical television plot.  Especially given the fact that a quick Google search of this supposed incident, as well as any of the "biologists" in the "documentary," yields diddly-squat.  Apparently the prospect of a giant shark brutally attacking and destroying a fishing boat just wasn't exciting enough to make it to the news, despite the fact that every news story relating to sharks and shark attacks spreads like wildfire.  Perhaps the South African press was just busy that day?

People refute our naysaying by pointing out that "we know more about the surface of the moon than the ocean," and "the coelacanth (which you can learn more about by clicking HERE) and the giant squid were only discovered recently!"  Yeah, that's true.  But megalodon is very different from a giant cephalopod or a five or six foot long fish.  We are talking about an active, 60 foot long predator that's feeding on much, much bigger prey than the giant squid or coelacanth would.  The giant squid and coelacanth eat a lot of fish, and are considered to be primarily piscivorous.  The giant squid, although very large, is by no means at the top of its food chain, and is fed upon by the largest of the toothed whales, the 60 to 70 foot long sperm whale.  And two million years ago, megalodon would have made up the final link in this food chain, feeding on the 60 to 70 foot long sperm whale.

Am I saying that there is no possibility that more giant animals exist in the deepest depths of the ocean, just waiting to be discovered?  No, I most definitely am not.  I do, however, encourage you to consider the ecological resources that would be needed by such a massive animal.  With no evidence of mutilated whale carcasses that could be attributed to such a massive animal, and an equal amount of evidence from first-hand accounts....I think that the conclusion should speak for itself.

The biggest issue that I have with all of this is not that a television program was made that packages myths, untruths, and exaggerations: it was with the fact that they packaged it as a documentary, no quotations this time.  Discovery tried to balance out the fact that they blatantly made stuff up to appease some of their viewers by pointing out that they included disclaimers in the show.  Yeah, true, there were disclaimers: but click HERE to see how short and hazy these disclaimers really were.  The disclaimers read:

None of the institutions or agencies that appear in the film are affiliated with it in any way, nor have approved its contents. Though certain events and characters in this film have been dramatized, sightings of "Submarine" continue to this day. Megalodon was a real shark. Legends of giant sharks persist all over the world. There is still debate about what they might be.

Notice how they never really say that none of it was true.  When he gave a press release, the executive producer of Shark Week, Michael Sorensen, said that “With a whole week of Shark Week programming ahead of us, we wanted to explore the possibilities of megalodon.  It’s one of the most debated shark discussions of all time, can megalodon exist today? It’s Ultimate Shark Week fantasy. The stories have been out there for years and with 95 percent of the ocean unexplored, who really knows?”  The part that bugs me the very, very most about that statement is the line "It's one of the most debated shark discussions of all time."  It isn't, I promise you.  It really, really isn't.  I have never heard of any paleontologist who seriously believes that megalodon swims the oceans today.  There might be some paleontologists who won't discount the possibility, which is fine.  Science changes all the time.  But with a complete and total lack of evidence, no serious scientist will really debate that sort of thing.

There's many more issues that people have had with this presentation, varying from thousands of people on social media voicing their complaints, all the way to actor Wil Wheaton, who wrote about the megalodon fiasco on his blog, which you can read HERE.  Others, such as popular paleo writer Brian Switek, went to Twitter:

I do hope that this backlash will cause the people at Discovery, as well as at other television stations, to reconsider what they make into a television program, and consider the possibility that, just maybe, there's a significant chunk of people out there who don't want to be fed this garbage.  I do hope that this causes some changes in any future programming, and if we are all really lucky, this event might spawn a South Park episode.  You have to admit, it'd be pretty perfect.  Let's just cross our fingers, shall we?

Big @$$ Eyes

I recently acquired a laptop for my graduation gift, and have been enjoying the crazy pictures that you can take on the Photo Booth!  I think my favorite way to mess with the pictures is by making our eyes ENORMOUS!  Incidentally, some of my favorite animals are those with gigantic eyes, and after coming to this realization, I sensed a post in the making!  Today, we're just going to take a look at a few of my favorites, but you can be sure that we'll be taking a look at other big-eyed creatures in the future!

The spookfish is an absolutely terrifying fish.  Do I need to say anything more?  I suppose I'll say a little more.  The spookfish is the only vertebrate animal known to ever have evolved mirrors instead of lenses in its eyes.  OK, that's enough, it's really starting to creep me out now.  Time we moved on.

Next we have another oceanic animal: the giant squid!  The record for the largest eyes in the animal kingdom is held by this animal, at around 10 inches in diameter: the size of a dinner plate!  WHAT THE HECK!  These animals live at extreme depths and, and where other animals would fail to see spectacularly, the giant squid is able to live and see quite comfortably!

The only extinct animal that I have included in this post, Opthalmosaurus was literally named after its enormous eyes: its name means "eye lizard" in Greek!  Although it looks a heck of a lot like a dolphin, Opthalmosaurus was a type of marine reptile called an ichthyosaur that swam the oceans during the Jurassic Period.  A bony ring called the scleral ring in the eye of the animal helped to keep the eye from collapsing under the intense pressure of the ocean!

Let's move out of the ocean now, and into the trees: meet the tarsier!  The tarsier is a terrifying little primate that is native to southeast Asia and HOLY CRAP.  I JUST LOOKED UP A PICTURE OF THE SIZE OF THE TARSIERS EYES AND LOOK.  AT THAT PICTURE.  BELOW.

OH MY GOD.  THAT IS INSANE.  AND NOW CHECK OUT HOW BIG ITS SKULL IS.

That is really, terribly creepy.  My goodness.  I....I don't even know what to say.  Let's move on now.

Another arboreal primate, the aye-aye is one of my favorite animals of all time!  Native to Madagascar, this lemur is nocturnal (of course, given the eyes), and as you can see in the picture below, definitely doesn't like having its picture taken with the flash!

Flying above the ocean and the trees are the birds, and the creepiest birds with the biggest eyes are the owls.  The owls and the tarsier both share something in common: their eyes are so big in comparison to their head that their eyes are unable to move in their sockets!  That's why both of these animals have such an enormous range of motion in their neck: to look to either side, they have to move their entire head around!